Big man upstairs

When I was in Quebec I was on such a high "God-moment" as I like to call them. I did devotions every morning or night, depending on what day it was, and was so into the word. When I came back I had high expectations that everything was going to be okey, everything will work out, I'll be strong enough to face all the battles that were ahead of me, temptation wouldn't be an issue, and God would take care of everything. Well 4/5 went according to plan. Maybe this is God's way of showing me, YOO OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THE WORLD! But I'm not finding it. All the others, well yeah they are an everyday struggle. I've done devotions twice since being back in Terrace. November 28, 2010 and today. Todays devotion was Hebrew 3:7-13.

So, as the Holy Spirit says:
"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert where your fathers tested and tried me and for forty years saw what I did. This is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.' So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest.'
See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called. Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

I've been struggling with choices that some friends have made towards me and choices that I have made. I tried to help some friends out, but in return I just got backstabbed and now they don't talk to me. One day they will come crawling back, like they have before, and I know in my heart of hearts I'm going to take them back in a heart beat, WHY?? They cause me so much pain and anger that I can't do it to myself. I've been making poor decisions on my part lately too that would not be considered right in the eye of God. I make the decisions because I'm trying to find who I truly am. It is a lot of trial and error going on, but I trust that God has a plan for me, it just takes time. I have to forgive these friends, even though it will be really tough, but I know that it's what God would want me to do. We've all done it to him countless times. We've left him in the dark, ignored Him, talked ab0ut him in a vulgar way, disobeyed him, and betrayed him too. I can only imagine what kind of feelings he has towards me.

I need to start a new leaf. One thing I loved about Quebec. No one knew who I was, no one knew what I did in my past, No one knew anything about me besides, which they figured out quickly, my name and that I spoke no french. It was great. I loved it. Being back in this town I came back a different person than when I left. I was a "Bible Hugger" as I called them before going to Quebec. People didn't believe that I had changed and they didn't even want to give me the time of day. Nothing. They just ignored me. That hurt me so much that I just fell back into my old ways. Fell back onto the friends that hurt me so many times when I was in high school and fell back into my old ways. Why you may ask? Cause it was my comfort zone.

I'm looking forward to getting out of the town again and moving to Vancouver. My real friends are all down there and some family too :) It wil be hard to adjust again to a new surrounding and new school, but I'm sure it will be easy to pull off. Every one speaks english this time.